I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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