My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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