is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
