i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
