Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
