I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
