You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
