I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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