I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
