if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
