I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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