i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize