If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
