When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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