I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
