How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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