Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
