i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
