Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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