So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
