ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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