Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
