I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
