I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
