I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
