They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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