That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
