I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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