so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
