Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
