Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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