you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Acid is not a monday night drug
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
