if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
