Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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