It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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