she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
