I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
