No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
