Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
