Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize