Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
