There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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