And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
