from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
