You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize