If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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