don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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