I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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