Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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