we have pet lesbian snakes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
