He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize