that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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