I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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