My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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