you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
