I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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