I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
