Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
