Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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