goodnight i made you a song goodbye
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
