I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
