i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
