my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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