tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
