why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize