Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
