3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this boner is exhausting
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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