I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
