apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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