party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
