Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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