i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
