I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
