well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was CRYING into my vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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