I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
