I didn't shave. On purpose
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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