I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I could fuck to npr.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
