Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
