I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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