make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
