I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
