guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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