Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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