he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize