your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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