My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
