I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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